A moment of Tragic Clarity Remembrance

A moment of Tragic Clarity
Remembrance, not hazy but there is clarity,
How she was just so pretty, in my life she was the only beauty,
Her blonde hair rolled and flowed, like a golden waterfall,
See her I wish you would, I wish I would,
Carol her name was, like grandma she was
Like her in the way she walked, her gait it was
Like her in the way she loved life, her heart it was
Like her she is also gone, both I lost
The blame, I have no one to place it on
Take me back to a time I can atone, upon my guilt
I did it, she is gone and I did it
She had everything, she had anything,
I gave her my love ‘n, she was my darling,
All I gave to her, was it enough
In the deep of my heart, it was enough
But why the guilt, that I feel inside
All the hurt, in my heart it resides
I still remember, trying to decide
It was a happy day, a sweet lovely day
At the house a party, made it a great day
Friends and guests, I had met the previous day
Romeo my prince, appeared in the fray
To his arms I clang, like warmth in May
His smiles warming my heart, like sunny rays
Nothing mattered, it was a dream
Little did I know, that all would bust at the seam
When I heard, that loud piercing scream
There she was, from the ceiling she was dangling
The pink bed sheet, her favorite,
Soft like her skin, twisted her neck like twine
Her eyes bulged out, the life in them pushed out
Her body hangs lifeless, once full of life and happiness
Full of sorrow, in my heart I feel a hollow,
Wishing every day, when I wake up tomorrow
It will be but a dream, not as real and living
But every day I wake, it’s all starts again
Inside I am bleeding, outside I am crying
I wish i read more into her,
I wish i knew she was leaving though i saw the signs,
How sad i couldn’t decipher them correctly,
Her face was sad even when she tried to smile i could see it,
She was not peaceful anymore,
The tranquility once written all over her face was fading,
The angel of death is merciless,
He couldn’t even let her look at her favorite ice cream twice,
How bad her appetite was messed, if only i knew i could have valued the last moments,
How tight she hugged me up during these last days, like she knew she would be gone and i would break,
How strong she was for me, letting out simple gestures of the purest i have ever experienced,
Oh my beautiful daughter, sometimes it’s like you could see things that i could not even notice,
I sit here hoping they were angels waiting to give you better than i could ever do,
My eyes water whenever i remember her smile,
I hear her voice in my dreams,
My heart is no longer at ease when i imagine what we could have been,
What an amazing soul she was,
The light in my life,
How i remember how she used to light the room up,
Her gentle hands on my palms could ease my qualms,
Her funny comments filled my heart with joy,
I can’t forget how she made tumultuous times flow gracefully,
Her flawless beauty is all i needed at times,
I miss how she could take all my attention when she was sad, how lovely she was, an angel sent to feel my empty life,
How she used to run around the house and make everything a mess,
What a purposeful life she gave me; I wish I never got my eyes of her,
Now I cry of these self inflicted woes
I wish I was there, to listen and care
I thought I provided, but it was not what mattered
The attention I never gave, I have it now in buckets and spades
As I look into her grave, as goodbye to her I bade
I wish I had lain, next to her in her bed
Every night and said, how loved her, I did
This is not the life that she should have led
I wish it was a dream but a reality, I am afraid,
A remembrance, not hazy but there is clarity,

Analysis
The poem is a dramatic dialogue whereby the poet takes the persona of a mother who is struggling with regret for not paying attention to her child when she was still alive. According to the poem the speaker was too occupied with other things to notice that Carol her daughter craved her attention and that it was important for her to get the attention from her. The speaker speaks openly her mind to the reader take the form of the speaker’s audience. The speaker indicates that her life has never been the same again ever since the death of her daughter Carol.
The title of the poem is befitting the events that take place in it because they portray a time when the mother realizes that she has lost the most important component in her life and that she could have done something about it yet she ignored the warning signs.
The last two stanzas of the poem indicate the immense regret that the speaker is currently going through because of the death of the daughter. She feels that her life has changed for the worst and that there is nothing she can really do about it.
The poem takes the form of a free verse with approximately six stanzas. It is not a regular poem because it does not follow the conventions of a normal poem such as the same number of lines in a stanza and the same type of rhyme and rhyme scheme in the poem. However rhyme has been widely utilized in the poem to bring about sense of rhythm in it for instance; a few words such as resides and inside, and bade bed. The poem does not really have all the basics of a regular poem but it takes the form of a dramatic dialogue because the speaker is speaking directly to the reader in first person. It however, exudes emotions of sadness in the poem hence the tone and mode of the poem is one of sadness because of the death and remorse described in the poem. Hence it also befits the title which is A Moment of Tragic Clarity.